“I’m so tired Neev” I surprise myself by confiding in my child. “Come Mama, sleep on my chest my son offers. I resist but he pats his chest so I put my head gingerly on his lap instead. I don’t allow myself to sink lower as his bony knees are a reminder of his small, 4 year old frame. “Sleep properly Mama, you won’t hurt me” he says intuitively, so I settle in.
I close my eyes for a minute. A moment of surrender for someone who rarely rests during the day. He’s enjoying some television time but I can feel his gaze on me. I look up and find him smiling down at me. For the first time, I see my tenderness mirrored back at me which fills my heart with gratitude. A heartbreakingly, fleeting moment which I want to capture forever. “Mama, he says, you are my queen”.
Amidst all the chaos and the challenges of motherhood, there are these brief moments of unexpected happiness. Happy Mother’s Day to me!
As we roused from our sleep to catch an early morning flight to Dehradun earlier this year, it was pitch dark. Enroute to the airport we saw the first hint of the morning rays. Observing the light my son, Neev, said he could see the sun now. My husband, Aditya, adds that the time the sun rises is called dawn and when the sun sets is called dusk. “Are Dawn and Dusk friends?” asks Neev. “Yes” replied Aditya as we cruise along an empty road. Our sleep addled minds now piqued by the child’s line of questioning. “What do they play with?” quizzes Neev. Aditya ponders for a second and says “with the sun and the moon”. The four year old presses on “so if I hide the Sun and the Moon in my bag, will it be dark all day?” I join in and we say “yes” in an exaggerated sigh, while he chuckles.
A child’s mind is a wonderful place and I use our time together in this lockdown to escape into his world. A welcome distraction. From dawn to dusk.